As you might be able to guess from the title of this post, we’re finally pregnant! Of course by “we” I mean my wife. I’m not actually pregnant. Despite what the following photo might show. This is basically going to be my first reaction to the whole idea of adding baby number two to the mix.
We’re Finally Pregnant! My first reaction to the possible positive pregnancy test
Words from a car park in Tesco:
The following is something I wrote whilst sat in a car park in Tesco after picking up a few pregnancy test. And a sweet chilli chicken wrap. Not that I was hungry, but it was reduced.
“If I’m completely honest with you, my first thought as I sit in this car is of regret. Regret that I didn’t pick the hoisin duck wrap, or perhaps even the BLT – is there really a better sandwich? I don’t very often get chance to raid the reduced sandwiches at Tesco, so I really wish I took full advantage of it. Although when you think about it, £1.62 for a wrap still isn’t exactly a bargain, is it? Especially when you only pay £3 for a meal deal anyway.
Oh, then I think about this pregnancy test. What if it does say positive? I mean it already kind of has on the one test we did in the house.
But there’s a reason people want Clear Blue tests. They want it to actually say “PREGNANT.” Not look at some ambiguous faint line on a strip.
Can I really be anything other than happy if it does say pregnant? I mean we’re trying. We’ve literally been trying to get pregnant for around 9 months. What did we expect would realistically happen other than to get pregnant?
No, truth be told, I won’t know how I feel until I see that test result and it literally says “PREGNANT.” Right now, I mainly just feel a little bit of disbelief.
The morning After – Sleeping on the idea of being pregnant
Well that’s it. We’re pregnant.
As I write this, it’s February the 3rd and it’s 5:10am – yes I get up rather early – I have no idea when I’m going to publish this post as I don’t know when we will make the whole sperm-and-egg-get-together public. I know people tend to wait for the first scan – sensible enough – but if it was up to me I’d Instagram story Rachel pissing on the stick. Not that she did it like that, she did it in a pot and then dipped the stick in.
But I guess it will be down to when Rachel feels comfortable. Or when I slip up and blurt it out anyway. The idea of me keeping this a secret for a good few weeks sounds highly unlikely.
I’ve made the choice to live my life rather publicly, so I’m comfortable making this public straight away. I know people say that you might jinx it, or what happens if something goes wrong, but if something is going to go wrong then it will regardless of what I say. And if the worst does happen then part of my “therapy” would be to talk about it anyway. Let’s just say I’m happy not having the privacy.
Being Pregnant for the second child is a bit different to the first
Getting pregnant the second time round is different. When Rachel got pregnant with Isabelle I cried. I had always wanted to be a dad, and the fact that she was finally pregnant felt like the best thing that could ever happen to me. But seeing a positive result this time around just didn’t feel the same. For a start, we had been trying for roughly 9 months. With Isabelle it was 6 weeks.
I think when you’re trying to get pregnant for a long time your expectations drop off. The level of disappointment gets lower each month, and you kind of put it to the back of your mind that you’re even trying.
The idea of actually seeing a positive test result isn’t something you expect to happen. It’s a little bit like a less extreme version of winning the lottery. You buy the ticket every week, but you give up on expecting to have the winning numbers. When you finally see it, it’s kind of hard to actually believe.
There’s a part of me that’s worried about starting from scratch all over again
I’ve had my ups and downs with Isabelle over the past 21 months. Admittedly since she turned one it’s almost entirely been ups. But the baby stage is something I really did struggle with. So the idea of throwing myself back into all of that, with the added element of also having a toddler, does have me slightly worried.
I’m not just worried. I’m terrified. I feel anxious, slightly sick, but I’m also nervous and somehow filled with dread and excitement at the same time. It’s like I’m just dying to be in the delivery room putting up stories on Instagram of Rachel in labour. It’s gonna be fucking wonderful!
In all honesty though, it wasn’t even that long ago I wrote an article for Today’s Parent about being scared of Rachel getting pregnant. Now all of a sudden we’re here and it’s real.
The stress of getting through the pregnancy
Then there’s the fact that you have to get to the baby stage. It’s not like the last birth went all that well. My only worry for the majority of Rachel’s pregnancy with Isabelle was reaching the part where the baby was actually out and fine. I remember Rachel being a few weeks out from her due date and telling her that I just couldn’t imagine Isabelle being born. My mind just kept doubting that it would ever happen. And I’m the same here.
I’m under the assumption that this isn’t going to happen. That something will go wrong. That all of this isn’t actually real and Rachel isn’t really pregnant. I guess that’s part of the reason why people wait for the scan. I’m fully expecting the midwife to pop the scanner on and go “what you on about, mate, there’s nothing even there.” But hopefully that won’t happen and it won’t be long before I’m witnessing another birth.
Well that’s about it for now. I dare say I’ll talk about all of this again at some point in the future. But for now, this is just my first reaction to it all.