Breastfeeding a toddler is a little bit different to breastfeeding a baby. Don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to deal with the early day struggles of establishing a latch, or having to cluster feed on a daily basis. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have its own downfalls. So I’m stealing the blog away from my husband once again, and I’m giving you 5 things I absolutely LOVE about breastfeeding a toddler. Warning, this post contains sarcasm.
5 Things I Absolutely LOVE About Breastfeeding a Toddler
1. Having my nipples chewed to pieces
One thing I absolutely love about breastfeeding a teeth-filled, dramatic toddler is the inevitability that my nipples will become a playful chew toy. Ever seen a toddler chomp furiously due to teething pain? Imagine that on your nipple.
The best part is when they find it hilarious and refuse to let go. I don’t agree with smacking kids, but when there are several teeth stuck into my nipples, I have to try very hard not to give our daughter a little tap on her head. Even more so when she’s giggling the entire time!
2. Having my Boobs randomly pulled out without my consent
Back in the early days when I was breastfeeding a baby, I got my boobs out on my own and when I wanted to. Things are a little bit different now. For a start, a toddler is a lot stronger and more switched on than a baby. They know exactly where the boobs are and how to get them. What they don’t have is any sort of social etiquette. They don’t realise that it’s not really a nice idea to have a boob drop out in the middle of Tesco.
We could be casually doing our weeks shop, and our toddler suddenly turns into a magician. Only it’s not a rabbit she’s pulling out, it’s my nipple. It’s lovely to look down and find myself mere seconds away from turning into an exhibitionist down the fruit and veg aisle. Casually about to expose a nice amount of flesh to a lovely old man just trying to pick a cabbage.
3. Putting the elasticity of my nipples to the test
Do you remember Stretch Armstrong? I’m reminded of him on a regular basis. Our daughter constantly makes the simple mistake of forgetting that my boobs aren’t actually portable and are physically attached to my body. There she is, all lovingly latched, when she suddenly realises she fancies going elsewhere and wants to take my boob with her. The result?
4. Getting Accidentally kicked several times in the Face during a feed
I love seeing photos of baby’s being breastfed. They’re usually peacefully led there, lovingly feeding off their mother with a dazed, sleepy expression. Not a bastard toddler though. A toddler is usually too fidgety to want to lie there and feed like a baby. Instead they want to practice their break dancing with your face being the dance mat.
5. Being the only one who does anything in the night
This one is in no means exclusive to toddler’s, as it certainly applies to baby’s too. Let’s be honest, men have utterly pointless nipples. Never is this clearer than when you’ve fed for what feels like 15 times during a night where your toddler was awake at least every hour, and you look over to see your husband sound asleep. And all I can think of is this
I’ll be honest, I don’t actually throw him across the room. But I do make a point to wake him up with a few choice curse words. Of course, he has absolutely no idea why he’s suddenly being called a “useless prick” at 2am, but that’s not my problem.
Breastfeeding a Toddler might be a pain in the arse at times, But I do genuinely love it
With all the jokes, sarcasm and silly photos aside, I do actually love breastfeeding our toddler. It might have its moments where it’s draining, challenging and frustrating, but I wouldn’t change it for the world! We’re nearly 18 months into our breastfeeding journey and I honestly have no idea when it’s going to stop.
Also, if you like sarcastic posts where people moan about their toddler’s, then maybe you might like my husband’s post of 5 Things I Absolutely LOVE About Having a Toddler. Again, that post contains an awful lot of sarcasm.
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