If there’s one thing I miss about having a newborn baby it’s the nappy changes. Changing a toddler is a bastard nightmare. The kicking, screaming, smacking and overall desire to get off the table by any means necessary makes the whole process a apprehensive nightmare. But perhaps there are things you can try to make it easier. So I have some suggestions for you. A few little tricks up my sleeve.
Don’t get me wrong, none of them are going to work, but will at least give you something to do to look like you’re trying.
5 Ways to Help Make Nappy Changes Easier That Probably Won’t Work
1. Have a Little Sing-Song
When it comes to changing a toddlers nappy you have to do it with fun and excitement. In your best super-sweet, super-annoying parenting voice you have to joyfully say “shall we change your nappy?” at which point your toddler will pick up on the word “nappy” and assume you meant “leg it to the front door.”
When you finally get hold of them and plonk their squirming, worming arse on the changing table, you have to break out into song. Any old song will do. I tend to just chant a little line from a film that really does feel quite applicable when she’s on the changing table.
You undoubtedly already have an array of songs that you and your toddler know. And whilst I generally don’t like nursery rhymes, I’ll use them if they work. I’ll even use that bastard baby shark song if I really have to. Even if I do hate myself whilst doing it.
2. Play “Point to the body part”
Here’s a fun little game I like to play with my little demon. It’s called “point to the body part.” It’s quite a simple game. All you have to do is say something like “head” to your toddler in the hope that they point to their head. The idea being that this will not only distract them from the nappy change, but also teach them something whilst you do it.
But it doesn’t always work. Sometimes instead of “head” our toddler hears “squirm like a little shit.” Instead of “touch your toes” she simply hears “dive-bomb off the changing table.”
3. Give them something to stay distracted
One sure-fire thing to try is to just distract them during the nappy change. Give them a toy, the car keys or whatever it takes to make it so they don’t notice what the hell is going on. You can even give them your phone if you really have to. Just make sure you put it on guided access to ensure your toddler doesn’t try to FaceTime a distant relative that you don’t really want to speak to.
Don’t get me wrong, you’ll get the tears eventually. Rather than have them during the nappy change you’ll just have when you have to get the phone back. You simply put them on the floor, say “can I have the phone please?” And…
You’ll find yourself chasing after a toddler looking for something to barter with in exchange for the phone.
There’s a part of me that doesn’t really like this idea. Does it work? Almost always. But I hate the idea of inadvertently teaching our toddler that if she’s doing something she perhaps doesn’t like, she needs something as a bribe to do it. But then if it works, who cares?
When she’s older and has an actual grasp of the English language, then I can use my words to help get us through stressful situations, but for now, I guess I’ll just use my phone.
4. Wait until they stop kicking and crying, then change the nappy
Here’s a tactic that’s undoubtedly going to work. Rather than battle on and push through all the violence and screaming. Just wait it out. You have more patience than your toddler and you can easily just sit back and relax until they’re ready to be changed.
This does actually work on occasions. But it does turn a two minute nappy change into a 20 minute ordeal.
It might also make your toddler worse the next time you change them. They’ll remember how upset and annoyed they were the last time they had their nappy changed and resist even harder for the next one. This might then make just getting them onto the bloody table a nightmare and not just the nappy change itself.
If this doesn’t work, you can always
just drop-kick them down the stairs try one last thing.
5. Let them just change their nappy themselves
Finally, and with my most brilliant suggestion, I would advise you to just let your toddler change their nappy themselves. Ok, I’m well aware that this isn’t going to work, but that doesn’t mean they can’t at least help out.
I don’t mean just tell them to change their nappy and hope for the best. Nor do I mean put them on the table, stand back and watch the magic happen. I just feel that a lot of a toddlers frustration comes from their desire to be more independent but their lack of ability to be so.
When I plonk our toddler’s butt on the changing table I try to encourage her to pull her bottoms off. After that’s all done and the nappy is off I give her a wet wipe. She inevitably goes straight for her vagina. Probably because she sees us wipe it so often. It’s just a shame she then follows that up by wiping her face, which probably isn’t the right way to do it.
But by encouraging her to help with the nappy change she sometimes sees it as something fun to do together. She has more control over what’s going on and occasionally doesn’t get as worked up and stressed about it.
I’ll admit, that once the screaming has already started it is hard to get her to help out. But if this doesn’t work, then I have one final thing that ALWAYS does.
one trick that guarantees an easy nappy change: Stick a boob in their mouth
Despite being a list of 5 things, here’s my 6th suggestion. This one isn’t going to apply to everyone. Heck, it doesn’t even apply to myself. Believe me. I’ve tried it.
Sometimes I really wish I had boobs. I really do. But if you have milkable boobs and there are two of you on hand, then this is a legitimate tactic that does work almost every single time.
Other than that, you just have to pray. Sometimes you might get lucky and some of these things will work, other times a demonic presence will be summoned and you’ll wonder what happened to your sweet little toddler that was just giving you kisses. All I know is that when a nappy change is successful and you manage to enjoy it, you fell pretty good about it!
If you liked this mildly sarcastic post, then you might want to read 5 things I absolutely love about having a toddler.
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