Theybies: The New Bullshit Term for Gender Neutral Parenting

I’ve heard some bizarre shit in my time, but I recently came across the term ‘Theybies’ and thought “here we go again, more of this stupid shit.” This is essentially coming off the back of the whole ‘gender-neutral’ parenting movement that has slowly but surely been picking up a lot of steam lately. I will apologies in advance before you continue, this post will contain some curse words in it. I don’t tend to swear too heavily in my blog posts but fuck it, this one deserves it.

If you want to see some of the stupid shit I’m referring to, then here’s this:

Anyway, on with the shit show.

What the fuck are Theybies?

I guess I’ll start with the obvious question that many of you might be asking. What the fuck are theybies?

‘Theybies’ is a stupid, cool sounding little term that naive, overly concerned parents are giving their children due to the fact they want to be super gender-neutral. When the child hits an appropriate age – whatever that means – they will then let them decide the gender they want to identify as. You know, because huge life choices should be granted to a five year old. Screw it, let’s give them the vote and get them a tattoo of some twat from paw patrol whilst we’re at it.

There is Nothing Wrong with breaking gender stereotypes and refusing to see things as gendered

Look, I am all up for breaking down gender stereotypes and giving people an equal opportunity to do what they want. I suffered with postnatal depression for fucks sake, and some people say men can’t get it. Talk about defying my gender.

There is nothing wrong with refusing to see something that is pink as ‘girly’, trying to encourage more girls to get into the tech industry, changing our language so we don’t speak differently to girls, or even getting more men to be the main caregiver to their children. Life should be a lot more gender neutral.

But that has absolutely fuck all to do with the fact that some people have dicks, and some people have vaginas.

If anything in life should not be gender neutral it’s our ACTUAL GENDERS. They’re literally the only thing, unless you speak certain foreign languages, that has a gender. The colour pink doesn’t have a gender, we’ve just given it one.

I have a daughter – I want her to be free to make the choices she wants to make. If she wants to play in the mud, be a coal miner or do anything else that people perceive as a ‘male’ thing, then I want her to be able to do that. But she will be doing all of those things with a vagina. And what’s the problem with that? Which brings me to my next point.

What’s Actually Wrong with Having a Gender?

As I just mentioned, we have a girl. Her name is Isabelle. As of right now that’s what she is. We don’t have a non-binary, gender fluid theybie called Isabelle. We have a girlWithout our intervention she’ll have periods, grow some sort of breasts, potentially be able to get pregnant and have a lower level of testosterone than people who have dicks.

Here’s our little girl looking girly as shit on her first birthday. She’s got some sort of gender stereotyping princess vest on a pink sprinkle cake and a big “fuck you I’m a girl” pink frilly tutu on

If she wants to change gender, call herself Steve and grow a penis – not quite sure how that last bit works – then she can absolutely do that. Besides, it’ll give me something interesting to blog about. I’m just not letting her do it when she’s FUCKING FIVE. Although you can buy fake penises for those who fancy confusing the shit out of their toddler.

Sometimes Children are idiots

Look, I wanted to be a bastard cement mixer when I was a child. THE ACTUAL FUCKING CEMENT MIXER. Children are occasionally very stupid. They’re supposed to be. It’s our job as parents to go “No, Billy, that’s a fucking awful idea, you’re worse than your father”  not “Aye, I’m sure we could just cut the thing off.”

There was even this other ridiculous article on HuffPost about how we should stop assuming babies’ gender. Here’s a snippet from the post:

“Assuming a baby’s gender would be the same as assuming their sexual orientation, what taste in music they’ll grow up to have, whether or not they’ll go to university and who they’ll prefer, Ant or Dec.”

Fuck me there’s so much wrong with that sentence that I almost can’t be arsed to explain it. Although in fairness, I feel that if I have to explain the difference between your GENDER THAT YOU WERE BORN WITH and whether you prefer Ant or Dec then we have a lot of work to do.

Despite my opposition I Actually see where they’re coming from

I might have made my position on this fairly clear, but I do see where they’re coming from on this one. So this is where I turn the tables and actually side with these gender neutral parents.

It all comes down to the fact that they see gender as a choice. Much like we choose whether we prefer Ant or Dec, we can choose which gender we want to identify as. If you accept that gender is a choice, then it is one of the only choices that we forcibly apply to someone without their consent. We don’t force other preferences like ketchup or mustard onto children, so why do it with gender?

I get it. I really do. And I don’t want to come off like an ignorant dick with this post – although I probably am succeeding. But unfortunately, much in the same way we don’t pick our eye colour, gender is something that we are just born with. Yes we can make the choice later in life to change ourselves in some way, gender included, but that doesn’t mean we should assume a change will be made.

That’s just how life is I’m afraid. It’s the same for dogs, cats and every other living organism. And yes, there are animals out there who are gender fluid, so don’t hit me with that one. But that doesn’t stop the gender from existing in the first place.

We’re just incredibly lucky that we live in a world where you can literally choose to have your penis willingly removed and turned into a vagina. That’s an amazing thing. Sometimes you have to step back and appreciate how far science has come.

I know these people are just trying to be good parents – even if they are missing the mark

At the end of the day, we all want to be the best parents we can be. Well, most of us do. There’s still the odd twat out there popping them out to get the extra benefits cash.

But I dare say the couple in the video above, and all the others doing this, are doing it because they want to raise happy, healthy children not bound by gender constraints. It’s probably being done out of a place of kindness and love. Although I do suspect a certain level of narcissism and the desire to be unique and different. Blame the internet for that one. But that doesn’t make the concept of theybies a good thing.

Gender exists, and that’s ok. All you’re doing by hiding and ignoring gender from children is making them more confused about what it actually is. Just because they are a boy or a girl doesn’t mean they then have to fall into all the stereotypes that go along with them. Maybe they will. Maybe there’s also a biological element that helps dictate our life choices. It’s almost like millions of years of evolution has made us slightly different. Perhaps men are just biologically prepositioned to select different jobs to women – although don’t get me started on that gender pay gap, we all know it’s bullshit so let’s cut the bollocks.

Obviously I’m Far From Transphobic – Not that this is necessarily a Transgender issue

Not that I feel like I should have to mention this, but I’ll do it just in case. I am not transphobic. Obviously.

Gender dysphoria is a complicated, hard to unpack issue these days and it’s something I have full sympathy with those who go through it. But I feel like this isn’t an issue of transgenderism. It’s an issue of pre-emptive transgenderism – and to a certain extent it’s not even that. Most people who go through some sort of gender dysphoria want to change their gender, not find themselves somewhere in the middle. Although I do know those people exist too.

This is just parents assuming that their child might have some sort of gender identity issue when they’re older so they’re tackling it a little bit too early and calling them theybies. It’s progressives trying to out-progressive other progressives.

I’ll be honest, there’s also a part of me that really doesn’t care about any of this. Sometimes I just see things and feel compelled to write about them.

Just do what you want

If you want to call your daughter a bloody theybie then go for it. We’re all a little narcissistic from time to time and this is one sure way of acting like your child is special. We all also do the occasional stupid thing that might massively mess our children up in their adult life. We’re not perfect.

Can we all just appreciate how far we’ve come in our society that this is even a thing? A few generations ago we were worried about going to war, the destruction of the world via the atomic bomb or even at one point just simply having a good harvest. Now we’re raising babies without a gender because…

If someone gets pissed off with me for writing this and talking about it like this, just be thankful that this is what we’re getting annoyed about. I love the fact that this is what gets me mildly irritated. Fuck me, it’s a damn sight better than sitting in piss wet boots in a trench in Passchendaele getting ready to go over the top to my obvious death. I’m sat talking shit about parents essentially going “fuck it, I see that little penis but you’re not having a gender. You’re going to be a theybie” And that’s hardly the worst thing we could be arguing over.

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Ross

I’m a 26 year old married father of one. I started blogging after suffering postnatal depression when Isabelle was born. These days I talk about much more than just that.

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17 Comments

  1. 20th August 2018 / 2:25 pm

    You’ve hit the nail on the head! I agree that these parents are probably just trying to be mega flexible and accepting for their children. But really, why not wait until it’s actually an issue their children are facing and THEN show them how accepting and understand they are. Great post. The swearing added to it, I felt! 😄

    • Ross
      Author
      20th August 2018 / 3:03 pm

      Yeah, I don’t tend to swear too much on posts, but felt it added a little more to this one 😂

  2. 20th August 2018 / 6:06 pm

    It’s a decidedly odd term isn’t it? With the gender gaps that still exist, I can see why some parents take this approach as it’s a reboot of sorts. That said, I think it’s something that needs to come from their kids as and when they have all the relevant knowledge they need to make an informed decision.

    • Ross
      Author
      20th August 2018 / 8:34 pm

      I think the term is quite cool, it’s a nice bit of marketing in fairness. But yeah, just let the kids decide without putting them in this weird position where they don’t have an assigned gender to start with. Who knows though. I like to think that this is just the pendulum swinging too far in the other direction and it will inevitably come back to the middle.

  3. 20th August 2018 / 6:23 pm

    Absolutely brilliant article mate. One of the best written pieces I’ve read. I agree with everything you’ve said. It’s a step too far in my opinion. Gender isn’t a choice at birth, you’re either a female or a male, more focus should be put into the gender-related problems we currently have rather than taking gender out of the equation altogether, that just complicates things further.

    Brilliantly written mate!

    • Ross
      Author
      20th August 2018 / 8:33 pm

      Thanks man! Exactly, focus on the actual problems, don’t go out there and inadvertently cause them. I’m hoping it’s one of those things that fizzles out and the parents are sensible enough not to have it cause any lasting harm on their children. I know at heart they’re good parents who are doing all of this.

  4. 20th August 2018 / 8:22 pm

    ‘They see gender as a choice…like preferring Ant or Dec.” 👌🤣🤣 I’m sooo glad someone -you has said this in such a brilliantly eloquent way although the teacher in me says, “no swears please Ross…”
    On a more serious note (because I was actually joking) well done you! I’m all for giving children a choice but to let them choose their gender….wtf. My daughter thought she would grow up to be a cat until she was about 4 so should I have called her by her ‘cat’ name? Bloody bonkers and I feel so sad for the kids as this will just confuse them even more. Children need to be told no occasionally!

    • Ross
      Author
      20th August 2018 / 8:44 pm

      Yeah, sorry about the swearing! I’ve only ever done ‘F**k’ before on the blog, and never the uncensored version, but I felt like it kinda needed it here. And exactly. I think parents these days just don’t want to say no to their children. And I get it, you want them to be able to have everything they want and do whatever they want to do. I constantly think towards the future as to what is an acceptable free choice for Isabelle to make and what’s something I need to step in on. Like should she be allowed to turn up at a funeral dressed as a dinosaur? Or should she not be allowed that choice? I wouldn’t care if she was dressed as a dinosaur but then there are social norms to think about too. Sorry, I’m almost writing a post within a post here!

  5. 20th August 2018 / 8:24 pm

    PS it would be totally different if a child kept identifying with the opposite gender to their own…..obviously, then I would advocate tackling the issue. X

  6. 20th August 2018 / 9:37 pm

    What is Ant or Dec? Theybies is just one more trend. A few will try it but I hope it does not catch on. #anythinggoes

    • Ross
      Author
      21st August 2018 / 11:47 am

      Ant and Dec are TV presenters here in the UK. And yeah, I think it’s a trend too, albeit a possible dangerous one! Thanks for stopping by

  7. thesingleswan
    20th August 2018 / 9:38 pm

    I totally agree with you. I am a bit of a militant feminist, but this whole gender neutral thing really winds me up. My identity, my feelings, my being, my psychology is so profoundly linked to my biology, the fact that I am female, the fact that I bleed, have breasts, oestrogen, progesterone, have borne a child, have gone through labour, have struggled at breastfeeding. This gender neutral thing is utterly bonkers because life isn’t gender neutral, it can’t be, because our biology prevents it from being so. Rant over! Pen x #AnythingGoes

    • Ross
      Author
      21st August 2018 / 11:49 am

      Nothing wrong with a good rant! And you’re absolutely right. Life can’t be gender neutral, especially when it comes to a persons sex. I totally understand what these people are trying to achieve, but it’s not a long term solution.

  8. 21st August 2018 / 7:22 pm

    Sweet bejusus I just long for the day that i can have a look in peace and that our youngest stops eating the dog food. H9neatly I all for being inclusive etc but i think this a step too far. Your cement mixer analogy hit the nail on the head!

  9. nah
    5th September 2018 / 8:30 am

    T E R F

    • Ross
      Author
      5th September 2018 / 10:21 am

      Trans-exclusionary radical feminists? Well that would imply two factually inaccurate things. One, I’m a radical feminist, I’m not even a feminists. And secondly that I’m transphobic in some regard? Which again, that’s not the case. Thanks for stopping by though and adding something insightful to this.

  10. 9th September 2018 / 4:37 pm

    Well written. We need to learn how to better educate our children on gender so that as a society don’t have issues with it. I’m happy that I have a little girl who is very girly and a little boy who is very boy-y. I don’t push pink on her all the time, but she definitely does gravitate towards more girly toys if available. She loves mermaids and watching Sarah & Duck. I just can’t get her interested in diggers like my boy was!

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