When you first decide to move in together, some things about your new life as a couple are obvious to talk about: sharing bills, morning bathroom logistics and who’ll do which chores tend to be pretty standard.
It’s only when you actually sit facing each other in your first shared living room, that the practicalities and aesthetics might hit home: there’s no room for all your books, you hate his/her battered but beloved sofa, do we really need so many houseplants when I’m allergic to them?
Figuring out how to share the space without constant bickering takes some patience, empathy, and negotiation.
Get Yourselves Organised
Over time, many possessions will blend into ‘ours’, but to start with there’s probably a bigger proportion of ‘yours’ and ‘mine’. Don’t shy away from having a purge on some personal things, especially when you’re combining separate households.
If you have treasured items that simply don’t fit into a new shared house or flat, self storage might be the answer so you can save them without having to find space for them. Storage unit hire needn’t cost an arm and a leg, so it’s worth investigating.
In small spaces, chaos magnifies every little problem. So, once you’ve figured out what you’re keeping and what you’re storing, it’s important that everything has a place and stays there when it’s not being used. One of you is sure to be untidier than the other, so you both need patience and a determination to make it work.
‘Both’ is the key. If only one person tries to keep things organised, resentments can soon build up.
Invest in Storage
There’s no such thing as too much storage, so have some form of storage in every room. Little tricks like buying storage furnishings such as tables with drawers or shelves, beds with storage underneath or just putting up more wall shelving creates tons of space to tuck things away.
When you think you have no room for more shelves, look harder. How about over a door, for instance? In the bathroom this could be used for toiletries (invest in some baskets to keep personal items together) or spare towels to free up space in the airing cupboard.
Use all the vertical space you can, including awkward nooks and crannies such as under the stairs. Little things like hooks under kitchen wall cabinets for mugs can help clear space inside the cabinet for additional storage so worksurfaces stay clearer.
Self storage used seasonally can also massively increase your available space. In summer, store all your winter gear, equipment, or clothes, and swap them out as the seasons change and you need different things. When there isn’t room for separate wardrobes in the bedroom, putting out of season clothing into self storage effectively doubles closet space.
Claim Your Personal Space
Me-time, or even just me-space, is important even when we’re living with those we love most.
It’s not selfish to stake out a personal spot in the house, even if it’s just your favourite chair with a handy table for personal paraphernalia, favourite magazines, or pastimes.
Everybody needs to feel they can put something down and it’ll still be there when they next need it – within reason of course. Mending motor bikes in the kitchen might not go down too well.
Respect Each Other’s Needs
We all have little personal quirks and habits that have the potential to annoy other people. Living with a partner for the first time can reveal aspects of their personalities you hadn’t known about before you moved in together.
Morning people can struggle to live with night owls; some people like noise all the time while others prefer silence; some like friends popping in at all hours while others wish for a drawbridge; some want a games console always playing through the TV while others want to watch television or YouTube… so many areas of possible contention.
Talking about and understanding each other’s living schedules and habits opens the door to give and take, so you can both make concessions that help maintain harmony in shared living spaces.
Clean Up as You Go
In an ideal world, housework and chores would be equally shared. It might not work like that in reality, but that shouldn’t stop you striving for it. You don’t have to strictly delegate who’ll do what unless you find that works best. It can be just as practical if you both determine to do jobs as soon as you spot they need doing.
Often, it’s the small things that cause the most tension, like not putting dishes in the dishwasher or not emptying it when it’s ready; letting dirt mount up on the carpet instead of running the vacuum round; not noticing the layer of dust all over the furniture, leaving laundry on the bedroom floor instead of in the laundry hamper. You’ve got find a happy medium here so you can both live peacefully. Talk to each other before you reach boiling point.
Sharing a living space with someone for the first time is an ongoing learning process that’s made a lot easier through understanding and being willing to accept that life is going to change – but hopefully for the better, as you create new family customs and traditions together.
