Truth be told, I suck at making friends. So much so that I wouldn’t really class myself as a person who has any friends. LIKE AT ALL. I didn’t even have a best man at my wedding because there was literally no one I could ask without sounding like a total weirdo. Scratch that, it sounds much better if I just say “I was marrying my best friend.” Yep. That works. Either way, I have a lot of social insecurities that does a lovely job of hindering me from making actual friends. So let’s talk about me and my wonderful brain.
How My Social Insecurities Affects My Ability to Make Friends
At times, I can be an incredibly insecure person. I’m needy, overbearing and just a bit of an overthinker. I tend to make huge assumptions based on very little evidence and it doesn’t take much for me to assume that someone doesn’t actually like me.
I tend to go from zero to 100 way too quickly
When it comes to making friends I’m a little bit of a nightmare. I tend to get quickly absorbed in a person that I enjoy spending time with or talking to. I go from “hey, we don’t know each other” to “OMG! Do you want me to come spend the weekend at yours?” in roughly 10 minutes time.
Then I become this overbearing weirdo who’s acting like I’ve known someone since they were a child and the person likely starts to question their life choices that has led them to interacting with me. They slowly back down. I suddenly realise I’ve gone in too quick. And then we likely have awkward exchanges where I’m waiting for the invite to go on holiday with them and they’re thinking something slightly different.
At the slightest hint that someone doesn’t care, I shut down emotionally
I’ve talked about this briefly in regards to my daughter and with myself being the least preferred parent. But when I get the sense that someone doesn’t like me, they don’t care, or they don’t want to do something, then I shut down emotionally and try to disconnect myself from that person.
If I message someone and they kind of ignore much of what I say and send back a fairly simple reply – or heaven forbid just “Lol” – then I die inside slightly and assume that not only do they not want to be friends, but they also think I’m a horrible person that will very shortly be blocked. You could say that’s a slight leap to assume those things, but I am a BELLEND.
I Naturally assume no one really likes me or wants me in their life
I live under the constant assumption that every person in my life – except for my wife – is merely interacting with me due to some moral obligation that makes them feel like they have to. My family visit because they’re family and that’s the done thing. People reply to me online because they don’t want to appear ignorant. And people answer their door to me because I’m a postman and they have very little choice if they want to receive their packet. I understand that most of what I just said probably isn’t actually true, but that’s how I view the world.
I never really invite myself anywhere. Very rarely will I ever message someone and go “Want me to pop up later?” and I generally think that I’m just a bit of a burden to everyone who’s life I am a part of.
Then there’s this bizarre duality fighting in my brain where one side is going “Fuck all these people, you don’t need anyone, you don’t care about them!” and the other side is going…
I’m trying to work on my social insecurities
I know I’m a bit of a dick. Of course I do. I know the vast majority of the time people don’t really think what I think they think. I totally understand that people have lives outside of pandering to Ross and can’t always reply with the most enthusiastic, well worded response possible. There’s probably also a strong chance that others are feeling the exact same social insecurities as I am. Perhaps they don’t want to invite themselves anywhere either, and instead of us doing something we just both sit there like two nervous teenagers unwilling to ask the other to dance.
Our minds can be real arseholes at times. And whilst I’ve argued in the past that self doubt is what fuels me to grow as a person, it’s also something that holds me back and occasionally makes my life intrinsically worse.
Suffice to say this is something I really want to improve on in the foreseeable future. I will say that I am better now than I used to be. I understand that sometimes people open messages, read them, and then life happens. Just because they haven’t replied straight away doesn’t mean they want to put a restringing order in against you. I also constantly try and remind myself that in the end, I have no control over how someone feels. So there’s no point worrying about it. Only time will tell if I can drop my social insecurities and stop overthinking every aspect of life.