Quite often, I’m riddled with self doubt.
Sometimes it’s manageable, other times it holds me back to the point where I want to quit whatever it is that I’m doing. But the vast majority of the time, I try to use my self doubt to fuel some sort of personal growth.
As of this writing, I’m feeling that much self doubt about my writing that I’m writing a post about self doubt. I have to write about this as it’s all I can currently think about. Since I use this blog to talk openly about what’s going on, that’s what I’m going to do here.
Why I’m Doubting Myself
Recently the blog has seen quite a lot of interest, relatively speaking anyway. And It’s had a lot more followers and certainly a lot more visitors to the website than normal. I’ve had a few posts that have done quite well and even a bloody boob cake that seemed to go pretty viral. At least viral compared to anything else I’ve ever done.
And all of a sudden I’m feeling this massive amount of pressure to keep up the work. I know that’s stupid. But when people seemingly take an interest in what you’re doing, it almost makes you question what you’re about to do next.
I’m doubting everything that I go to write, including this, and I keep thinking that every draft I go through is terrible. I just have this overall sense that I’m not actually very good at writing. But maybe that can be a good thing.
We Should Doubt Ourselves at Least a Bit
Why? Well because having an abundance of self confidence creates a desire to stay stagnant. Why improve on something that we have no doubt in? Why learn something new, or absorb another’s perspective when we’re steadfast in our own? And this is why we should try to embrace our self doubt.
Using Self Doubt to Fuel Personal Growth
I doubt myself in some form almost every day. From my opinions, to my writing, and certainly to my parenting. In terms of this blog, I constantly doubt whether I’m actually any good at writing. Quite often I think I’m not. Other times I think I’m ok. But by thinking like that it makes me want to get better. I understand that I’m 26 and I have a long road in the world of writing. To be a great writer at this stage would be ludicrous.
In terms of my parenting, as this blog is mostly about it, I always question whether what I’m doing is the best thing to do. I’m not absolute in any of my parenting beliefs, and I’m always willing to hear arguments against what I believe. Do I believe that the ‘cry it out’ method is cruel and harsh? Yes. But I’m well aware that I may be wrong. My point is, there’s nothing wrong with questioning yourself and perhaps even doubting yourself as a parent if it makes you strive to be better. I’ve literally only been doing this ‘being a dad’ thing for a year! Naturally I’m going to occasionally think that I suck at it.
But that’s a good thing. It makes me reflect on what I’m doing wrong and what I’m doing right. Sometimes I do things rather well, and other times I just call Isabelle a dick on Instagram:
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Don’t let this photo fool you. This girl has been a complete pain in the arse for the last several hours due to some lovely teething. • I’m not afraid to call Isabelle a dick at times. And today she’s had her moments. Can she help it? Of course she can’t. But that doesn’t mean she’s not being a dick. I really don’t like teething, and it does make me a worse parent. • But that’s life. I can’t do anything but give her pain relief and just be here. She simply cried herself to sleep whilst being on me. Hopefully it won’t last much longer and all her teeth will suddenly appear. I have my doubts though. • I’ve also written about last night. There’s a #LinkInBio if you want to read about me calling Isabelle a dick! • • • • • #teething #baby #newpost #blogging #ukdadbloggers #welshblogger #wales #nightmare #dadlife #parenting #reallife #honest #criedtosleep #sleeping #bedtime #dadofinstagram #dadanddaughter #roughday #mentalhealth #badbaby
Finding the Balance
But you have to manage it. It’s no good doubting yourself to the point where you don’t want to try anything and stop doing the things you like doing. You have to use self doubt to look at yourself and challenge yourself to get better.
That’s what I have to do right now. I have to ignore everything that goes on outside of the pages I write on. I know writing does something for me and I just have to keep on doing it. People often ask what’s the best thing to get through writers block. Well this is it. Writing. And it can translate into the real world. If I can beat all the self doubt I have about this blog, then I can beat the self doubt that I have as a parent.
I don’t want to publish this post because it probably sucks. And that’s exactly why I’m publishing it. I know there’s something currently inside me telling me that I’m not very good at this. But I know the only way to beat that is to keep going!
Thank you for reading this one. I know it was hardly the best, but I feel like I needed to write this in order to reset and come back with something better.