It finally happened. Last night was the first time I actually felt like a dad.
It was a pretty rough night, at least by Isabelle’s standard. No matter what we did, she would not settle. She wanted to put everything in her mouth, refused to go on her back or side for a feed, and whenever we tried she would let out a scream.
At first, it was kind of funny, and occasionally kind of cute. Especially during tummy time on my chest and kept grabbing random parts of my face and chewing my nose (it’s a big target, I’ll admit).
But as the hours wear on, it gets harder. And in a hotel, it’s even worse. You’re aware of the rooms around you, and when Isabelle lets out a scream it literally stings my ears.
But eventually I decided that she needed to be on her back and enjoy it enough to fall asleep. So I got up, held her in my arms, swayed, and sang the same song she’s heard from me since she was in the womb. Misery by Creeper. And it worked.
She fought the urge to sleep, her eyes flickered and gradually grew heavier and heavier. I was actually watching her fall asleep. I’ve never really seen it before. Next thing I know she’s out. I told Rachel to time 10 minutes and I just stood there swaying.
I don’t know why, but it finally hit me that I was a dad. My guess is that this was the first time that I ever felt like she needed me. Or I could at least provide for her. Whilst I love the fact Rachel breastfeeds, it does mean that Isabelle often, or always in the beginning, overlooks me in pursuit of feeding. But last night she opted to not take the boob and instead fall asleep in her father’s arms. And it was amazing.
Anyway, I’ll apologise here for technically talking about day one. But since it came after my post for day one, I thought it’ll have to go here. So yes, I’ve done a great job of talking about day two, by opening with 300 words on day one, and a further 100 on apologising for it. Genius. I’ll continue.
The next day (yay, day two!) we spent the morning in the Birmingham Bullring. We moaned about the prices in the Disney store, since we now have a lot less money, and came away with just a Flounder toy. A long car ride north to Blackpool later, and Isabelle found herself happily playing with her new friend. This is why I go away with her:
That face is why I do this. That face is what got me through my depression, and it’s what continues to keep me from it. That and my wife.
Later we walked around Blackpool and Isabelle fell asleep in my carrier. It’s something I’m getting quite fond of, despite the fact I felt like a bit of a dick the first time I used it:
She still hasn’t perfected the art of finding the camera and smiling at it. But she’ll learn. As for right now, she’s currently flat out after enjoying an awkward shower, a nice reading session, and a good feed.
As for me, I’m sat in front of our hotel window looking out as the sunset colours the sky. It’s the perfect night for Ride the Lights, and a brilliant one to just sit back and watch:
Excited about day three? Check out Facebook to stay up to date.
You can read about the other days on this road trip here.