Breaking up is an extremely hard thing to go through – and it’s made even harder if you are living with your former partner and have kids. As well as the emotional strain, you have to go through practical issues like where each of you will live, how you will divide up your possessions and what you will tell the kids. If you are struggling to know where to begin, here is some advice to get you started.

Make a Plan

After the initial dust has settled, it’s time to start making a plan so you are both clear on the terms of your breakup. Before you get the kids involved, you will want to sort out your own living situation. You can then start planning who will be responsible for the daily needs and activities of your kids. It may be that you decide to keep routines as similar as possible so there is not too much upheaval. If you are clear from the start, the two of you will be able to put up a more united front when it comes to explaining things to the kids.

Be Prepared for an Emotional Reaction

Once you have gotten over the hurdle of breaking the news, it’s likely that your children will have some sort of emotional reaction unless they are very young and don’t understand what’s going on. Anger, guilt and anxiety are three common reactions, particularly in older children. Be prepared to listen to your children carefully so you can deal with their worries as best you can. If they close off from you and avoid talking, try to encourage them to do so even if this leads to emotional outbursts. Like many difficult situations, avoiding the problem never really helps. 

Professional Support

It may be the case that either you or your kids need the support of a professional counselor or therapist. Many people find this useful so they can have an impartial person to discuss their problems with. There are plenty of Mental Health Support available if you think this is for you.  

Treat Your Former Partner with Respect

Kids are often very easily swayed, so you shouldn’t treat your breakup as a chance to win their affection ahead of your former partner. Even if you find it difficult to be around them, always try to remain respectful. You want to show your kids that you still remain strong parental figures, so try to avoid arguments in front of them. Try to keep the lines of communication open between you and your former partner so your kids don’t have to act like messengers going backwards and forwards between the two of you.